Friday, February 22, 2008

International Fragment (3 of 3)

The daughter was really quite young, very short, in rather dowdy clothes that contrasted with her apparent jewelry-consciousness. She had very dark hair. .. Why were they speaking English? Why would he want such a conversation publicly comprehensible? She made it to the door and should have gone out, but, thinking this might confuse her mother and sister, she instead stood by the window, waiting, watching the people outside, very conscious of the distribution of air and matter within…

She always felt very powerful around men with ornery children. The women just depressed her; she saw her future in them, but the men… she felt they became self-conscious, almost apologetic, when they saw her, that they were embarrassed by how ridiculous they looked. She felt she reminded them, with painful gentleness, of how their lives could have turned out differently… Oh, she had to stop flattering herself with these delusions! He wasn’t interested in her; it was just a passing look between strangers, a reflex, the body’s way of observing threats without bringing in the cerebral cortex too soon… I wish I could turn off my cerebral cortex sometimes. Although overthinking got her in far less trouble than animalistic instinct would… but at least animals don’t think themselves crazy! She always felt so vulnerable in those brief glances, like the other person could read her thoughts, when really she just hadn’t had time to hide them from herself.

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